Grace-Energized Mothers Deal With Bitterness

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Titus Two Women-09 Grace-Energized Mothers Deal with Bitterness .doc

Grace-Energized Mothers Deal with Bitterness

Titus 2:4

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The decline and fall of the human race is set forth in Romans 1.

Curiously, right in between all of those dreadful sins is one that seems to have always stood in the way of mothers loving their children to the max. Here it is in Romans 1:26-30.

• Romans 1:26-30 For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. 27 Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due. 28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; 29 being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, 30 backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; NKJV

You can see not much has changed in two thousand years; the same old sins are still swirling around and the same challenges face each of us.

God wanted the lost pagans living on Crete to see their changed lives and be confronted with living examples of Jesus Christ. Society was to be flooded at every level with the irrefutable proof of changed lives.

Grace-Energized Wives and Mothers Have Two Qualities Everyone Can See

So Paul told all the grace-energized wives and mothers in the church to have two qualities everyone could detect. Listen again to them in Titus two:

• Titus 2:4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, NKJV

For a believer both sacrificial giving, (agape) love is commanded as well as emotional, caring, friendship (phileo) love. We have been studying these admonitions in Titus 2. These life-truths have always deeply impacted any society. When the Gospel that brings this impossible life into the heart of a newly saved individual starts to work through Christ’s church, the world takes notice.

So what would hinder these grace-energized mothers from loving their children? As we saw last time, the most formidable hindrance may be bitterness, but the most common hindrance may be selfishness. One hindrance that is always with us is our flesh that wants to go its way instead of God’s. That is the hindrance of selfishness.

Grace-Energized Wives and Mothers Are Hindered by Selfishness

God has high standards. He says “nothing” can be done that is eternal, nothing enduring, nothing that pleases Him can be done energized by self.

• Philippians 2:3-4 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. NKJV

He only blesses, accepts, and desires grace-energized love. Only love for husbands and children that is energized by grace is acceptable and glorifying to Him.

Each of us was born selfish. Babies cry for their own needs, not others. Toddlers do not wage battles for others, it is their own space, their own toys, and their own sinful desire for attention that prompts the terrible two’s.

Watching most teenagers is a study in the art of self-absorption as their life is consumed by the upkeep of their little world. And sadly, physical maturity does not end this spiritual problem.

Adults retain most of the selfish desires of childhood and youth, they just are able to mask them better the older they get. A basic description of most adults in America would be that they are individuals who have these priorities: the satisfaction of their own personal needs and desires, the maintenance of their own good feelings about themselves, and the preservation of their ownpersonal rights.

As we turn to II Timothy 3, we find a “prophecy” of what the world will be like in the “last days”. Our present-day pleasure seeking, self-serving culture closely and ominously mirrors Paul’s warnings of the “last days”:

• 2 Timothy 3:1-7 But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! 6 For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, 7 always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. NKJV

To the hedonistic culture of Roman Crete, and to the equally pleasure-seeking and narcissistic culture of today, God gives the same message. We are to be self-denying, others-ahead-of-ourselves-choosing believers.

That self-sacrificing lifestyle is never easy, always strange to the culture, and constantly glorifying to God. God made happiness, peace, and joy to grow only along the narrow pathway of grace-energized self-denial.

When wives and mothers heed this call for grace-energized love for their husbands and children, they begin down that narrow pathway of self-denial. Grace-energized love for husbands and children leads to the deepest happiness, joy, and fulfillment.

But when God’s pathway of self-denial is not followed, His admonitions unheeded, and life gets “graceless” without the grace of God energizing a life, marriage, and family, there is only emptiness, frustration, and sorrows.

How is this grace-energized emotional love for your husband and children cultivated? Paul explains that in Romans 12:10.

• Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; NKJV

Love is encouraged when selfishness is mortified.

Selfishness will hinder, thwart, and stifle this grace-energized love God wants from wives and mothers.

But selfishness isn’t the biggest hindrance. We already saw the one that is far more deadly, and it is called bitterness. As we have studied, bitterness is a deadly cancer that grows rapidly and produces a deadly poison that paralyzes a believer’s love, robs their joy, and ends their peace. It zaps their spiritual strength and removes God’s blessing from their lives. So at all costs, avoid bitterness.

Spotting Signs of Bitterness

What are the warning signs of bitterness? As I list off some of the most common signs of bitterness, ask yourself as a grace-energized wife or mother (and everyone else listening, are you showing any of these signs of bitterness?

It is really not that complicated to recognize that bitterness has set in. Let’s think of some of the characteristics of a bitter person:

• They show a lack of concern for others. A bitter person cares very little about anybody else.
• They’re very sensitive and touchy. For instance, if a bitter person walks into a room where two other people are talking, and those people get quieter as he walks in, the bitter person thinks, “They’re talking about me.”
• They tend to avoid meeting new people, show little or no gratitude at all, and usually speak words of empty flattery or harsh criticism.
• They hold grudges against people, often for a long, long time. They find it extremely difficult to forgive.
• They often have a stubborn or sulking attitude.
• They end up experiencing mood extremes – very high and happy one minute, and the next thing you know, they’re so low they can reach up and touch bottom.
• Bitterness can be called the seed of Hell because one of the worst things about bitterness is that it doesn’t stop. It keeps getting worse. It may only start as a little seed of hurt, but then it grows and festers into a very dangerous thing. [1] 

Bitterness is one of the more deadly cancers of the spiritual life of the believer. If you are infected by bitterness, get out of your self-imposed prison now, don’t stay in a moment longer. Paul said that the Spirit of God, in the power of Christ’s cross can set you free. The escape route has been marked for us by the One who should have had all the reasons in the world to be bitter but was not. 

Getting Out of the Bitterness Trap 

Have you ever noticed that line in the Lord’s Prayer? Often we have said it so many times we skip right over it. “Forgive us God the way we have forgiven others”. God wants us to forgive others and not cultivate bitterness. Forgiving others isn’t denying that they hurt us or ignoring it either. Denial is mindless foolishness. God wants us to face real problems with real solutions from His Word.

Getting out of the bitterness trap starts by honestly confronting hurts in our life—and as those energized-by-grace, doing something about each hurt-induced wound!

Here are some basic steps.

1)    Make a list of the people who’ve hurt you. This is always easiest for us because that is what we remember the best—the offenses others commit against us. Just jot names and things they have done to hurt you. Here are some typical hurts: “My parents didn’t keep their promises.” “They gave more love and affection to other members of the family.” “My dad took out his bad temper on me.” “My wife tries to make me into something I’m not.” “My friend wasn’t there when I needed him,” etc.

2)    Make another list of the things you have done to hurt them. Whoa, this is the hard part. Pride effectively edits our memories of the wrongs we do by shifting the blame, hiding our guilt, and so on. Our flesh likes our faults to stay hidden from others, so pray and ask God to shine the light of the Spirit upon your heart and expose ways you have harmed others.

One of the hardest things to do is to really clear the debts between parents and children. You could put down things like: laziness, ungratefulness (when was the last time you ever thanked your parents – just called them and thanked them?), deceitfulness (what have you done behind their backs to make them distrust you?), etc.

Making a list of those I have wronged is vital. Only when we agree with God about our sin, and see it as He sees it, can we be forgiven (I John 1:9). One of the results of making such a list is that we find that in most of the ways that we have been hurt, we hurt others. My pride maximizes others’ faults and minimizes mine. This exercise will bring reality into focus.

3)    Take a good look at how you have hurt the Lord. Now we are at the most important place in our grace-energized journey out of bitterness. This is the most life-changing step. Get down on your face before God and ask Him to reveal all the ways you have hurt Him. God’s Word says He is grieved when we sin. Do we miss that terrible truth? Spurgeon said, “For it is an inexpressibly delightful thought, that He who rules heaven and earth, and is the creator of all things, and the infinite and ever blessed God, condescends to enter into such infinite relationships with his people that his divine mind may be affected by their actions.”

Each area the Spirit convicts you about, revealing where you have grieved God, confess and forsake, making no excuses to God. God said Christ’s blood cleanses away our sins not our excuses. We are transformed as we see that though God has been deeply hurt (grieved), He loves and forgives us and NEVER gets embittered towards us.

People closest to us can hurt us the most—right? Now as a believer think about who knows every thought, hears every word, feels every emotion we have ever had. God does, right? We have the potential to hurt God so much, and we do. Yet He forgives. Because He forgives He demands that we must do so also to all who hurt us.

The Bible says that “The Lord was grieved that He had made man on the earth, and His heart was filled with pain.” (Genesis 6:6) The phrase “heart filled with pain” literally means ‘to have difficulty in breathing’. God made this beautiful creation, and then He saw people not only hating and killing each other, but hating Him, too. And all that hurt goes deep, deep into His heart. We forget that God has a perfect memory. We only see a little bit – He sees it all, continuously. We only live a short time – He lives forever. When God looked at the world He made, He gasped with pain and horror. It hurt Him.

4)    Pray, and ask the forgiveness of God and man.  Now comes the simplest and hardest part of our task. Get alone with your list of how you hurt God and others and ask God to work in your heart. One by one confess them to God, then ask for and receive His forgiveness for every thing you have listed (and more as He reminds you). Then you need to tear up that list and get rid of it. Just doing that is a picture of how God wipes out, erases, washes clean, and removes our sins. Then you need to get in touch with those you have hurt and, either by letter, email, phone, or in person, ask for their forgiveness.

5)    Destroy your files.  Finally, there is one more vital step to take. There is still a copy of that list, it is in your mind. God says that He can also wipe that file clean. Hebrews 9:14 and 10:22 say that the blood of Christ, through the Eternal Spirit will purge your conscience from things that defile, and will allow you to get close to the Lord with a pure heart, confident you are right with Him, and as much as is possible with others.   

Open the filing cabinets of your mind, take out all the files, and get rid of them. Tear up your list and burn it. You must release it all to God. Forgiveness is opening the filing cabinet before God and clearing the debts. “I’m not going to hold this against them. I’m not even going to keep a record of it.”

No record. That’s what God does with you. Do you want Him to remember and recall all the debts He has cleared you of? You do the same.

The Bible says, “For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” (Matt. 6.14-15)

It’s a choice you must make in response to God’s offer of forgiveness to you. What will you do? [2]

Christ’s Church Needs Grace-Energized Wives and Mothers

The Titus Two woman is an imperfect person, saved by God, and energized by His grace to live an exemplary life as described in Titus 2:3-4. So we could easily say that:

• Grace-energized women—are reverent in their behavior,
• Grace-energized women —are not slanderers,
• Grace-energized women—are not given to much wine,
• Grace-energized women —are teachers of good things, and
• Grace-energized women—are discipling younger women.

Those new believers, fresh out of paganism needed coaching, training, modeling, and encouraging in a one-on-one relationship. Godly behavior is a series of choices; and those men and women had to be nurtured in daily skills that would lead to loving marriages and families.

Women energized by grace love their children. That is what Titus 2:4 says. We are going to see how to love children with love they can feel this evening. But before we do that we need to ask why are we even here tonight? Why do we even sacrifice another hour-plus to gather in this building and study God’s Word? The answer is that we desire to be a faithful part of Christ’s church[3]!

If you want a summary of our lives as believers it would be: We were saved by God’s grace; we are kept by God’s grace; and we live in a way that pleases God and earns His rewards—energized by His grace.

God’s plan to work in the world is His church. Christ’s church may be described as a group of people, energized by grace, doing the impossible for the glory of God. A key insight into God’s plan to reach the world through Christ’s church is in Titus chapter two.

The verses of this chapter contain a call to First Century men and women energized by grace to live an extraordinary spiritual life in a very unspiritual culture.

When grace energizes us, we want to deny ungodliness in any form we find it cropping up in our lives. When God’s grace energizes us, we want to mortify lust in any form in our lives.

The Cretan church was saved, bought from the slave market of sin (redeemed), but still had clinging to their lives the garbage of their culture. They had generations of bad habits, false thinking, and warped lives.

What was the plan God had in mind to transform these very un-saintly people? The same plan He has for all of us today. Save them by His grace and sanctify them by His Word.

As long as the power was on in their lives, as long as they operated energized by grace the old ways, the lusts of the flesh, and all the manifestations of pride were held back. But whenever the power was interrupted and they did not walk in the Spirit—the old corrupt ways of the flesh would spring to life.

As believers this morning we are on the journey of new beginnings through Christ—energized each step of the way by grace.

1. 4b “the young women

to love their husbands” (6) Wives energized by grace love their husbands.

Wives energized by grace are first of all “lovers of their husbands.”

1. 4c “to love their children” Grace-energized-mothers love their children.

This characteristic is also one word in the Greek text, philoteknos, and it means to be a lover of children.

Secondly, grace-energized mothers love their children. That is what Titus 2:4 says. And this love isphileo love that can be felt. That is a grace-energized-mother’s special ministry in Christ’s church[4]!

From time to time it becomes so very hard to take care of children that a mom of any century in history no longer “feels” positive feelings towards her children.

So how did God instruct Paul to prepare Christ’s church for these great social challenges and family pressures? Again, Titus two has the solution. God says that the way that tired, burned out, and depressed mothers get relief is from the faithful army of Titus two grace-energized role models.

The Bible clearly explains and illustrates this love that was modeled by Christ. This special phileolove is demonstrated by Jesus Himself. This type of close, companionship and friendship, emotional love is how Christ’s relationship is described with Lazarus (John 11:3) and with “the disciple He loved” named John (John 20:2). This is also the word used in Revelation 3:19 for Christ’s love for true saints in His church.

Jesus demonstrated His love to Lazarus and all who saw that friendship knew how close they were. The same was seen in Christ’s closeness to the Apostle John. That is how Jesus loves us and wants us to know He loves us, feeling His closeness and enjoying His friendship.

And that phileo love that is emotional, close, and visible is what the Lord asks from grace-energized mothers towards their children.

Give the Priceless Gift of Love to Your Children 

Do your loved ones in your family feel your love?

Just as many husbands think that their wives admire other men more than them as they relate how, “So-and-so’s husband does this and that with his children or for his wife.” Those men do not feel the respect and admiration of their wives.

Likewise, many wives feel that their husbands think other women are either better at caring for their husbands, prettier, or better at caring for their families than they are. Those women do not feel the love of their husbands.

• But most importantly for Titus two mothers energized by grace , we need to consider that many kids hurt because they sense that their parents don’t even like them.

This absence of loving approval, can lead to untold pain; whereas loved ones who feel approval and love face the daily challenges in their world with eagerness and confidence.

Do you remember how Paul cultivated this type of love with a needy young man named Timothy? The mighty pastor of the church at Ephesus was also a young man with many physical and emotional needs. Paul discipled Timothy with love that could be seen and felt.

Paul Loved His “Son” Timothy 

Paul loved his “son” in the faith. So as our example, how was his “love” for Timothy his “son” in the faith expressed? One of the most beautiful testimonies to the power of encouragement (or affirmation) in the New Testament is in the life of the Apostle Paul. If you read Paul’s letters to Timothy, you can hear Paul tenderly encouraging Timothy.

So Paul loved Timothy with love he could feel. Paul “affirmed” Timothy and used tender and encouraging words to help him as his son in the faith Timothy. These exhortations were tenderly given to a struggling man.

Practice Ways to Make your Love Felt 

Grace-energized mothers make sure their loved ones feel their love. To help them receive and be touched by your love, we can try to use those several key ingredients that we see in both Christ’s and Paul’s ministry. These small choices always help us to communicate affirmation and encouragement.

• Grace-energized mothers love their children in a way that can be felt when they use meaningful touches with them.

That is what Jesus did (Mark 10:16) when he blessed the children, He was always touching those He ministered to. He could have healed them with a word, eight times in Mark alone Jesus touched those He served. So should we! The act of touch is a key to communicating warmth and affirmation. It is even essential to physical health. Be generous with your hugs.

2. Grace-energized mothers love their children in a way that can be felt when they prepare special words for them. 

Remember how we saw that Paul used tender and encouraging words to help his son in the faith Timothy. He doesn’t belittle him for his weaknesses and tears. We should always remember that hugs aren’t enough.

Tell your children how you feel about them! Those who are left to fill in the blanks often feel worthless and insecure. At best, only confusion can come from silence. Far too many of us are really not that encouraging.

It’s not that we have a critical spirit.  Rather, we just say nothing.  Our loved ones are not mind readers.  We can do better than just expecting them to know we are in their corner, loving and admiring them silently.  They need to hear it!

Grace-energized-mothers make an effort to catch them doing something good, right, thoughtful, considerate, well done, etc. and point it out.  Highlight it!  “Hey, you really handled that situation very well.”

• Grace-energized mothers love their children in a way that can be felt when they attach high value to them.

Remember what we saw in Paul, how he told Timothy he had a “treasure” entrusted him; and  that he was “gifted”; and that God was “going to use him”. Grace-energized mothers tell their children the qualities they admire in them.

• Grace-energized mothers love their children in a way that can be felt when they picture a bright future for them.

Paul told Timothy about a “crown” that was awaiting him as he ran the “race” set before him; and that the Lord was going to “reward” him. So we also should express what God can do with them as they follow Him in their life.

Grace-energized mothers explain to their children how they can become the greatest servant of the Lord in whatever field God has gifted them. Explain why you think their gifts and character traits will be useful throughout their lives. Avoid the overuse of negative admonitions; use Biblical affirmations to inspire confident dependence upon God.

• Grace-energized mothers love their children in a way that can be felt when they make a commitment to walk through life with them.

Stand by your loved one through the months and years ahead to help make your words of affirmation become a reality. Express ways you want to be a deeper part of their life (monthly dates, weekly prayer studies, nightly prayer times, on going shared prayer list, etc.)

Don’t quit as soon as you miss a scheduled time because of a conflict, or your loved one hurts or discourages you, or your child fails in some area. What words rang in Christ’s disciples ears from the “Great Commission”? For the rest of their life they heard Him say, “I am with YOU always!”

• Grace-energized mothers love their children in a way that can be felt when they make a commitment to pray through life with them.

Grace-energized mothers pray for their children. Let them know you’ve done so. Start a life-long prayer list with specific areas that you have learned from them need prayer, and then PRAY. Ask for updates. Celebrate answers. Pray together.

If you are not praying for them each day, who is?  Regardless of the age, they need you to lift them up before the Lord in prayer each day.  Think about their day.  Think about their setting.  Think about the people they will be with. Pray about these situations. We need all the help we can get, and much of what happens to us or to our children in this life is beyond our control. John 17 is Christ’s model prayer for us to treasure, just as His disciples did back then as they heard Him pray for THEM.

That is giving them a heart that prays.

• Grace-energized mothers love their children in a way that can be felt when they become a student of their child’s life.  

Jesus started His ministry with the Twelve by one simple plan in Mark 3:14, “and He ordained 12 that they should be with Him”. Watch them, share their ups and downs; know where they are in their spiritual life, their school life, work life, home life. Find out who they are close to and who they are not close to—and why.

• Take an interest in whatever seems to interest your children. Get into his or her world.
• Be lovingly persistent in communicating with your children. That is, keep trying to set up times when meaningful communication can occur.
• Share activities. Go to the grocery store, try a family time camping together, or even just ask them to do what you are doing with you (cooking, yard work, running errands).  It is always loving to want them, include them, and ask for them to spend time with you.
• Take the initiative in asking your children questions. Have an endless learning time asking about what they think, what they feel, what they like or don’t like—and why. Learn their favorite flavor, favorite food, favorite activity, dreamed of place to go, and so much more. Write it down afterward to see what you remembered, and ask again until you do remember. Then surprise them with something they like!
• Listen to your children with full attention. Let him or her see your eyes light up when they talk to you.

8. Grace-energized mothers love their children in a way that can be felt when they  meet their needs with love: a regular schedule of nutritious meals, clean clothes, clean bodies, adequate sleep and rest. Give them a heart that serves. And as we do so we add to that more gifts:

• Give them a heart that rejoices and is filled with happiness. Psalm 113:9 describes a “joyful” mother.
• Give them a heart that gives like Christ’s (Mark 10:45): because love gives (John 3:16); because love is generous (II Cor. 9:6); because love expects nothing back (Luke 6:35).
• Give them a heart that plays and is full of fun.
• Give them a heart that celebrates all their special days (Matthew 5:41); and since we have to do all those things in the family, why not make them special!
• Give them a heart that prefers your family first (Titus 2:4 says they are your first priority).
• Give them a heart that is focused (Matthew 6:24).
• Give them a heart that is present and attentive (Psalm 119:10 ‘my whole heart’).
• Give them a heart that trusts in the Lord (Isaiah 26:3 ‘perfect peace, trusts’).[6]

Dorothy Patterson, one of the authors of Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, puts the issue into focus:

“A mother builds something far more magnificent than any cathedral the dwelling place for an immortal soul. No professional pursuit so uniquely combines the most menial tasks with the most meaningful opportunities.”[7]

Grace-Energized Mothers Cultivate Spiritual Assets  

A servant of God has their heart set on spiritual treasures and measures life by the acquisition of spiritual assets rather than merely physical assets. Do you keep track of your Spiritual Assets? Often we know our house value, our retirement investment value, the worth of our collections and treasures—but do you keep an inventory of spiritual assets? What are some of our spiritual assets?

These are things like:

• Knowing where your kid’s are reading in God’s Word so they remember when they grow up and leave home that you always cared how they were doing spiritually.
• Asking your husband or wife each week what they are finding in God’s Word that is helping them to make it through the day. And, actually remembering what they said the last time because you care. This is a spiritual treasure because it forges a strong bond in your hearts of a shared spiritual walk.
• Finding and learning scripture memory verses that you share in common with your loved ones is a spiritual treasure. Not hundreds or even dozens, but a handful that you all have learned and share in common. What a treasure to quote them around the living room when the power goes out, or an ice storm cancels church, or when you are traveling. To have this body of Scripture that you together as a couple and a family learned is a true spiritual treasure. Some of the more valuable passages are Psalm 23, the love chapter–I Corinthians 13, the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5, and key verses on the tongue and faith in James.
• Collecting testimonies of salvation is a record of each person’s greatest treasure, isn’t it? The only thing that lasts forever from this world will be people and whatever we send up to Heaven before we leave. So, who are you taking to Heaven with you? Have you heard, understood, and savored the testimonies of your family? Can you tell your husband’s or wife’s testimony? How about your children? What an incredible treasure is our salvation! Take a spiritual inventory of the status of each soul around you in those you love.
• Recording and remembering those spiritual milestones, have you started on this spiritual asset yet? Do you record your loved ones’ salvation date, baptism date, when they started the habit of personal devotional quiet times, what they are doing in that QT? Have you started yet to celebrate each other’s spiritual birthdays? Do you keep a record of, share and celebrate any souls led to Christ by you or by loved ones, and then uphold them by prayer? Who can your family say that you as a family are “taking to Heaven”?
• Finally, one of the great spiritual treasures is a lifelong prayer journal. Even if you’ve never started, it is never too late to start watching God at work through prayer. Any type of list will do, just date it, hold onto it, and be specific enough in your requests—and there you have it—an actual record of the God of Heaven moving in and through your life by prayer. A list of family needs, specific challenges, hurdles, obstacles, great goals, and so on are all prayed over. As well the verses for Christ’s formation in the lives of those you love are always such a tool. Just a sheet of paper, dated, written out and prayed over faithfully until it wears out and then a new one started, will harvest great spiritual gains and treasures.

Grace-Energized Mothers Cultivate Habits that Demonstrate Their Love

1. Mothers Energized by Grace love their children anyway. Yes, I know you love them.  Most of us parents adore our children — most of the time.  Yet some parents have a way of regularly communicating to their children that they do not measure up.  I’m thinking now about the young girl who grew up in a family where she was seen as the dunce.  Now as a young woman, she continues to experience the same from her family.

Children need parents who will believe in them and no matter what will love them anyway.

2. Mothers Energized by Grace prepare their children for the battleground, not the playground. Some parents constantly buy their children toys, gadgets, candy, McDonalds, etc.  The kids then get into their high school years and the pampering continues.  Only now, the toys are much more expensive.  What does that communicate to these children? Meanwhile, other parents prepare their children for life on the battleground where a spiritual battle is taking place.  These parents realize that children need more than toys.  They need to be equipped for life so that they will survive the difficulties and trials they will face.
3. Mothers Energized by Grace deal with their own issues.  There are no perfect human beings.  Yet if you don’t deal with your own issues (your sins, your insecurities, your feelings of inadequacy, etc.), these can impact your children.  They may end up having to deal with some of the very issues you would never grapple with.
4. Mothers Energized by Grace take every opportunity to remind them of who they are in Christ. They will, most likely, receive many false messages about their identity.  They will be told that their worth is based upon their academic record, their physical attractiveness, their charm, their ability to make money, etc.  You bless your children when you help them grow up with a sense of their real identity.
5. Mothers Energized by Grace bless your children by giving them you. Jesus called the 12 to spend time with Him (Mark 3:14) and that was the great expression of His love. So should we commit to spend time with those we love. There is no substitute for your presence in their lives. Your regular, consistent, emotional and physical presence means so much.  I have known a few parents who seem to see their child as one more activity on the list of things to be done for the day.  Yet one senses there is no real connection between parent and child.  Being attentive and giving one-on-one time are priceless gifts to children.
6. Mothers Energized by Grace say only what communicates value, respect, and love.  Choose to never say or do anything that will humiliate.   Sometimes, families will tell embarrassing, humiliating, stories about their children.  The child is embarrassed at this but then the parent says, “I’m just kidding.”  (In other words, “Since I think this is funny, you shouldn’t let this bother you.”)  Listen, we all do things in our families that are silly, stupid, mindless, careless, etc.  I have found that it is much better for me to tell about something silly or stupid that Idid — not my children.  Children need to know that homes are safe places where one’s mistakes are not announced to the world.
7. Mothers Energized by Grace want to be their child’s greatest encourager. Far too many parents are really not that encouraging.  It’s not that they have a critical spirit.  Rather, they just say nothing.  Children are not mind readers.  We can do better than just expecting them to know we are in their corner.  They need to hear it!  Make an effort to catch them doing something good, right, thoughtful, considerate, well done, etc. and point it out.  Highlight it!  “Hey, you really handled that situation very well.”
8. Mothers Energized by Grace give them what they need, not what they want.   Many of us are very busy people.  We have a lot going on.  So often parents will feel guilty about how busy they are and so decide to give them a new “toy.”  Yet we do our children no favors when we give them most everything they want.  The point is this: Too many children grow up getting all the things they want while little attention is given to what they really need.  Think about what your children really needif they are going to make it in this difficult world as obedient children of a loving God.  
9. Mothers Energized by Grace give their children something to look forward to when they come home.  Give them a beautiful home to look forward to.  That’s “home” — not house.  Anyone with enough money can build a beautiful house.  Our children need beautiful homes—homes that are filled with warmth, laughter, and love.  Beautiful homes are places where children can catch a glimpse of the loving God in the love of their parents.  These homes remind kids that no matter how bad the day is at school or with friends, they can always come home.

For a Christian mother, another core responsibility is to care for her children. Children are to be a priority in her life. In many developed countries of the world today, an anti-birth, anti-child mentality permeates society. Bible-believing Christians, however, must affirm the paramount value of children and motherhood[9].

For a Christian mother, another core responsibility is to care for her children. Children are to be a priority in her life. In many developed countries of the world today, an anti-birth, anti-child mentality permeates society. Bible-believing Christians, however, must affirm the paramount value of children and motherhood[10].

Dorothy Patterson, one of the authors of Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, puts the issue into focus:

“A mother builds something far more magnificent than any cathedral the dwelling place for an immortal soul. No professional pursuit so uniquely combines the most menial tasks with the most meaningful opportunities.”[11]

Titus two is a road map for all who want their life to count. It is God’s pathway of disciplines to choose each day in the power of the Spirit of grace.

God’s plan to work in the world is His church[12]. Christ’s church may be described as a group of people, energized by grace, doing the impossible for the glory of God. A key insight into God’s plan to reach the world through Christ’s church is in Titus chapter 2.

The verses of this chapter contain a call to First Century men and women energized by grace to live an extraordinary spiritual life in a very unspiritual culture.

When grace energizes us, we want to deny ungodliness in any form we find it cropping up in our lives. When God’s grace energizes us, we want to mortify lust in any form in our lives.

When we study this idea of the older-in-the-faith godly, Titus two woman, we are describing a woman who has chosen to learn from God how to live her life day-by-day and step-by-step in way that pleases God. Women energized by grace are useful to God.

When the Gospel of Jesus Christ entered the Roman world of the New Testament, the landscape was very bleak. Christ’s church was born into a sin-warped, sin-darkened world of mixed-up marriages, sin-scarred lives, and confused families.

But men and women who were gloriously saved did not automatically become great wives and mothers, or husbands and fathers. When they came to Christ and were forgiven, God graciously gave them everything they needed to become godly wives, mothers, husbands, and fathers. But, they needed something else. They needed worship services that taught them to believe correctly, and then they needed small group discipleship times to learn how to behave correctly. Correct behavior is behavior energized by grace.

Titus two describes how God works in the life of a believer. When we were saved and the gospel of grace began in our lives, the evidence was seen in the sanctification process. Grace always teaches genuine believers how to say no to sin in any form.

The Titus two woman is an imperfect person, saved by God, and energized by His grace to live an exemplary life as described in Titus 2:3-4. So we could easily say that:

• Women energized by grace—are reverent in their behavior,
• Women energized by grace—are not slanderers,
• Women energized by grace—are not given to much wine,
• Women energized by grace—are teachers of good things, and
• Women energized by grace—are discipling younger women.

Those new believers, fresh out of paganism, needed coaching, training, modeling, and encouraging in a one-on-one relationship. Godly behavior is a series of choices, and those men and women had to be nurtured in daily skills that would lead to loving marriages and families.

And that is the vital ministry which we find captured for us in Titus two.

Christ’s Church Used Grace Energized Coaches in Godly Living

Just as important as the preaching and teaching of the doctrines of God’s Word was the modeling and nurturing of individual saints through practical hands-on lessons in godly living.

The building blocks of Christ’s church are Spirit-filled men and women—lives given daily as obedient servants of God.

God wants men and women that will mentor, nurture, and coach godly living for His church. These individuals believe that God has called them to touch one life at a time for His glory.

For just a moment please follow along in your Bibles in Titus 2:1-8, as I again read those special character traits for men and women.

v.1 But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine: v.2 that the [grace energized] older men be:

• sober,
• reverent,
• temperate,
• sound in faith,
• [sound in] love,
• [sound in] patience;

1. 3 the [grace energized] older womenlikewise, that they be

• reverent in behavior,
• not slanderers,
• not given to much wine,
• teachers of good things— v. 4
• that they admonish

the [grace energized] young women

• to love their husbands,
• to love their children, v. 5
• to be discreet,
• chaste,
• homemakers,
• good,
• obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

1. 6 Likewise exhort the [grace energized] young men

• to be sober-minded, v. 7
• in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works;
• in doctrine showing integrity,
• reverence,
• incorruptibility, v. 8
• sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you. (NKJV)

When God gets to pick the curriculum for His Church, what does He choose to be taught? He lays down 12 vital, godly character qualities for women and 12 vital, godly character qualities for men.

Women energized by grace who have these characteristics are highly useful to God. The long-term goal of their lives is geared towards being useful to God. Parents who want their children to be useful for the Lord begin early on to point their children towards the high calling and great joy of being a Titus two woman and the Titus two man.

The whole goal of a Titus two woman is to train younger women in Biblical, simple-to-measure, Spirit-empowered, love-based living.

[1]  This list was drawn from an article called HURT AND BITTERNESS by Winkie Pratney.

[2]  This list was quoted and paraphrased  from an article called HURT AND BITTERNESS by Winkie Pratney.

[3]  Christ’s church has a mission that Paul summarized as pleasing God (I Thessalonians 4:1). This mission is accomplished by the proclamation of a message Paul summarized as the gospel of grace (Acts 20:24). The message of grace—that God did everything possible to be done and anyone can come to Him merely by faith seems impossible. But the most amazing part of all that the Lord is doing is His plan to do all this by a methodis spelled out in Titus 2:11-14—Paul summarized as energized by God’s grace to live in a way that is otherwise impossible.

[4]  Christ’s church has a mission that Paul summarized as pleasing God (I Thessalonians 4:1). This mission is accomplished by the proclamation of a message Paul summarized as the gospel of grace (Acts 20:24). The message of grace—that God did everything possible to be done and anyone can come to Him merely by faith seems impossible. But the most amazing part of all that the Lord is doing is His plan to do all this by a methodis spelled out in Titus 2:11-14—Paul summarized as energized by God’s grace to live in a way that is otherwise impossible.

[5]  These ideas are adapted from The Blessing (Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1986, Nashville) and The Blessing Workbook (Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1993, Nashville) by Gary Smalley and John Trent, Ph.D.

[6]  Adapted from Elizabeth George, A Woman after God’s Own Heart, Eugene, OR: Harvest House, 1997, chapters 7, 10, and 11.

[7]  Dorothy Patterson, “The High Calling of Wife and Mother in Biblical Perspective,” in Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, 367.

[8]  Posted by Jim Martin at January 16th, 2007 online at http://www.godhungry.org/?p=592

[9]  Alexander Strauch, Men and Women Equal Yet Different. Littleton, Colorado: Lewis and Roth Publishers, 1999, pp. 66-68.

[10]  Alexander Strauch, Men and Women Equal Yet Different. Littleton, Colorado: Lewis and Roth Publishers, 1999, pp. 66-68.

[11]  Dorothy Patterson, “The High Calling of Wife and Mother in Biblical Perspective,” in Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, 367.

[12]  Christ’s church has a mission that Paul summarized as pleasing God (I Thessalonians 4:1). This mission is accomplished by the proclamation of a message Paul summarized as the gospel of grace (Acts 20:24). The message of grace—that God did everything possible to be done and anyone can come to Him merely by faith seems impossible. But the most amazing part of all that the Lord is doing is His plan to do all this by a methodis spelled out in Titus 2:11-14—Paul summarized as energized by God’s grace to live in a way that is otherwise impossible.

Transcript

Let’s open our Bibles to the book of Romans. We’re looking at the decline and fall of the human race, that’s most eloquently presented by the Apostle Paul in Romans 1.

Starting in verse 18, he talks about the cause for that decline and fall, especially starting in verse 26. I want you to follow along with me as I’m going to read in just a moment. But it’s curious that right between all those dreadful sins, this is the New Testament, one of the two or three very clear admonitions that God gives that homosexuality in male or female forms is damnable and horrific to Him. The people who say it’s only in the Old Testament show their lack of knowledge of the New Testament. But right in the middle of all that, and that’s not at all what we’re talking about, but right in the middle of that, curiously, is one of the age-old sins that impacts grace-energized mothers.

Just follow along with me as I read starting in verse 26. It says, for this reason, and that’s all, that gross immorality that is caused by the suppression of God. For this reason, God gave them up to vile passions, for even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature, that is lesbianism. Likewise, also, the men leave the natural use of the woman burned in their lust for one another. Men with men committing what is shameful in receiving in themselves a penalty of their error, which was due, which is homosexuality. Verse 28, even as they did not like to retain God and their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind to do those things which are not fitting, being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil mindedness. They are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things.

Now, what’s right in the middle of that horrible list? Do you see what the next one is? Doesn’t that look a little bit out of place? It’s with the lesbian and homosexual gay activist crowd and the murderers. And look what it says, the very last three words of verse 30, disobedient to parents. Disobedience to parents has bad company. I’d stay as far away from disobedience to parents as possible. You don’t want to run with a crowd that God puts it with in the Bible.

Then he picks up in verse 31, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful. At the end of the chapter, he says that anybody that’s involved in any of this type of sin knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death. Not only do the same, but also approve of those who practice them. Not much has changed in 2,000 years, has it? The sins are the same. The struggles are the same. The family conflicts are the same. It’s just the same challenges. The same old sins are still swirling around us. Each of us faces them every day.

God wanted those lost pagans living in Crete to see the changed lives. Paul was writing this letter to the epicenter of the Roman Empire, to Rome itself. But those sins that I just read and emphasized with my voice were the sins that were just prevalent. In fact, most commentators believe that Paul actually wrote the epistle to the Romans sitting in the city of Corinth. Most likely, since we know where the Leather Workers Guild was, where the shops were, because they were like Chinatown and Little Italy. The leather workers all stayed in one part of town, and in Corinth, they’ve excavated that part of town, and it exactly faces the gymnasium area, the gymnasion, the sports area. I’ve told you many times that this behavior, this immoral behavior, often swirled around the bathhouses, the sporting complexes, and all the gymnasiums where they did the Greek style, where they did all their exercises with no clothes on, which fomented all of that type of behavior.

But God wanted those lost pagans, whether in Rome, that was going to get this letter, or in Corinth, where Paul was looking out the window and seeing all that debased, debauchery and sordid conduct. God wanted the lost pagans, whether there or in Crete, as we’re studying to see the changed lives of believers and to be confronted with living examples of Jesus Christ. See, again, still nothing has changed. It doesn’t matter where our culture is on the spiritual decadence Richter scale. It doesn’t matter where we fit, whether we’re more light, less light, worse, better, whether evil is growing faster, whether it grew faster back then. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is God’s purpose. God’s purpose has always been that the world see the changed lives, and be confronted with living examples of Jesus Christ. That’s us.

Do you realize that Acts 11 tells us why we, today, are called Christians? We are called Christians because in the city of Antioch, another major city of the Roman Empire, the people were disparaging the followers of The Way. That’s what they were called before that. They were called believers and followers of The Way. But in Antioch, a huge city, maybe the third or fourth largest of the Roman Empire in ancient times, the people there said, these followers of The Way, these believers are Little Christs. Little Christs, which began to be called Christians. It was a diminution, a diminutive of the little Christ. They just said, Christians, they’re little Christ’s. That’s what God wants us to be, living examples of Jesus Christ. Society was to be flooded at every level with the irrefutable proof of changed lives. How?

Now, keep turning to the back. That’s where we’re going. Titus chapter 2. There is no clearer marching order for believers than what Paul laid down in this very short epistle. Of the pastoral epistles, there are three: this is the shortest, this is the most succinct, and this is the most to the point. It was sent off on a boat to go to a little island. It’s a beautiful island. It’s just an incredible place. Even to this day, it still retains the flavor of the Roman world and all the commerce that was going on there and all the culture that was there. The Apostle Paul, impelled by the Spirit of God, wanted to put an arrow of the Gospel right into the heart of this island.

So he writes this letter to Titus, and when we get to chapter 2, Paul told all the grace-energized wives and mothers in the church that they should have two qualities everybody could detect whether they were Christians or not, whether they were pagans or not, whether they were all that bad stuff from Romans chapter 1 or not, whether they were in the church or not, whether they were close to you or not. There were to be these two qualities that they could detect without talking to you, just watching you. You see what these are? These little representatives of Jesus Christ were to have these qualities that the world would notice and would be drawn to. Maybe they would be drawn and not like it. Maybe they’d be drawn and criticized. Maybe they’d be drawn and hate. But they would be drawn to be confronted with Jesus Christ in everyday life. That’s the amazing thing about what Titus explains to his congregation, because in Titus chapter 2, look at verse 4, they admonish these grace-energized women. They are to admonish the grace-energized wives to love their husbands.

Now, what’s fascinating, the whole bad list I just read, and another list we’re going to read in just a minute, a lot of those words that I read in Romans and the ones we’re going to see in 2 Timothy chapter 3 in a moment, all are put together the same way these two words are. The Apostle Paul, if you were reading the actual manuscript he hand-wrote, it says that they admonished the young women to philandrous. He stuck philo with the word for man. He put those two words together and said, be men, their men, lovers, philo. Then the next word, just one word again, philoteknos, children, their children, lovers.

So, what’s interesting, this construction is what we’re going to see the people in Romans 1, were loving everything that wasn’t godly. And we’re going to see in 2 Timothy 3 that they love themselves and love money, and love pleasure, and love all this. In the midst of this love that was misdirected, Titus says, I want you to direct your love toward what you’re supposed to love. Not money, not pleasures, not immorality, not lying, and living life with yourself as your own master. I want you to direct them to put their love where it belongs, and that you admonish, that you bring them to their senses, that you strongly urge them to take whatever steps it takes to love their husbands and to love their children.

For a believer, both sacrificial giving love, agape, the word we know so well, is commanded, as well as emotional, caring friendship love, this philo. And that’s why this would show up in the market. This would show up when the women gathered. This husband-loving, children-loving stuff would show up. It would come out in their conversations. It would come out in their demeanor. It would come out in their behavior. It would come out in their priorities. It would come out in their conduct, and the island of Crete would be flooded with people saying what happened to them? Remember, Romans 1 says, right in the middle of all the other excesses of the ancient world was disobedience to parents. The word literally means not honoring or repaying them for what they’re due.

In the ancient world, there was supposed to be an honor for the aged and an honor for their parents. In fact, they had this pater potestas, which was called in the ancient world, and that means that the father had the ultimate power. A baby was brought to a father, and he looked at the baby, and if he didn’t like it, they threw it in the garbage. Literally, that was just how it was back then. The absolute power of the father in the home. So that was even being blocked against in the ancient world.

We’ve been studying these admonitions in Titus 2. These are life truths, and we’ve already covered the third verse, and now we’re into the fourth verse, and soon to be in the fifth verse. But these truths have always deeply impacted any society. This afternoon, I was reading again the chronicle of what happened in the heart of Africa when these truths were brought by a British missionary in 1910 to the Congo region. How he began teaching these totally pagan, blood drinking, human sacrificing, cannibal, occultic, demonized, drug addicted, drunken people of that area that we know as Pygmy cannibals, in the Congo. He taught them this stuff. Did you know, within 20 years, the entire society changed, and tens of thousands of people were dramatically changed as one after another of these families began to line up with the Titus 2 model. When the Gospel that brings this impossible life into the heart of newly saved individuals and starts to work through Christ’s Church, the world takes notice because the world is looking for reality in our daily lives. Not just what we say, but what we live and what we do.

So, what would hinder this grace-energized mother from loving her children? The most formidable hindrance may be bitterness, but the most common hindrance may be selfishness. Now, let’s turn for just a moment to Philippians 2. Back up. It goes 1 and 2 Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, and then Thessalonians, Timothy, and Titus. So, go to Philippians 2 with me because grace-energized lives, whether male or female, whether mothers and wives or husbands and fathers, or whether young people, grace-energized lives are always hindered by selfishness. Now, we’re targeting specifically this area where the mothers love their children. But any grace-energized life is hindered by selfishness. God has high standards.

Philippians 2:3-4 has a very notable word in it, and I want you to, if you’ve never circled or marked it, you ought to catch this word. It’s one of those absolute words that we should notice. God says nothing, notice what he says, let nothing, let no thing, let nothing. It’s absolute. Nothing can be done that is eternal, nothing enduring, nothing that pleases God can be done energized by self. How do we know it’s energized by self? Let nothing be done through selfish ambitions. Doing it to be seen, doing it for praise, doing it for me, doing it for recognition, doing it for anything but energized by God’s grace, or conceit to somehow make me appear better, or fan my selfish pride.

But in lowliness of mind. Now, that description is exactly Christ’s self-description. Paul just took it right out of Matthew 11:28-30. Remember Jesus said, come unto Me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I’ll give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, for I am meek and what? Lowly in heart. Jesus Christ’s self-description is right here, and if there’s something that we should endeavor to follow Christ in, it is right here. Let nothing we do in business, nothing we do in education, nothing we do in our commercial ventures, nothing we do in our sports, or our academic, or our personal, or family lives, or church life especially, let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind.

How do we know the lowliness of mind exists? Let each esteem others better than himself. There’s a definition right there. That’s what lowliness of mind is. A lowliness of mind, like Christ is, He says, I didn’t come to be what? Served but to what? Serve and give Myself. So, that’s what lowness of mine is.

He continues, verse 4, let each of you look out not only for his own interest. It means you still mow your lawn and take out your trash, and wash your clothes. You brush your teeth, comb your hair if you have it, and do all those things that you’re supposed to do. Your own interests. We all are supposed to nurture and care for ourselves and feed ourselves and bathe, and everything. So, we’re still supposed to do that, but the lowliness of mine this grace-energized, the denial of self. Look what it says, but also, the end of verse 4, look out for the interests of others. See, that’s what grace energizes us to do. We don’t merely care for ourselves through life and gather stuff for ourselves and make sure that we are safe and comfortable and well fed and everything else, but we have that same concern for others.

He is not asking for us to have the monastic life to lie on nail beds, and to walk around in sackcloth. That’s okay for some. He’s not calling everybody to that. He’s calling us all to look out for our own interests. We’re supposed to do that. But also, grace energizes us to look out for the interests of others.

But back to the beginning, the third verse, what did he say? Nothing. God accepts nothing. God only blesses, God only accepts, God only desires grace-energized love. Only love for husbands and children that is energized by God’s grace is acceptable and glorifying to God, not dutiful. Dutiful isn’t what he’s talking about. He’s talking about that love that is not constrained by self, that I have to do it. It’s energized by grace. So, that’s what he’s talking about. Each of us was born selfish. Babies cry for their own needs, not for the needs of others. Toddlers do not wage battles for others, it’s their own space, their own toys, and their own sinful desire for attention that prompts what we call the terrible twos. Watching most teenagers is a study in the art of self-absorption. Have you ever noticed that?

The two things I think are most fascinating are watching teenagers and going to Monkey Island, and watching the Monkeys. Have you ever gone? Tulsa Zoo has one. You watch them, and they sit there and they’re scratching themselves, the monkeys, I’m not talking about the teens right now. I was talking about the monkeys. They pick the bugs. They eat the bugs. They scratch themselves. They lift, they do the strangest things. They’re totally absorbed in themselves. That’s how we were born. Watching most teenagers is a study in that art of self-absorption as their life is consumed by the upkeep of their little world. And sadly, physical maturity does not end this spiritual problem.

Adults retain most of their selfish desires from childhood and youth, they just are able to mask them better the older they get, until they get to a certain age. Then what’s amazing is that I was a senior adult pastor at Grace Community Church. I had 864 senior adults for a long time, and I found out that the older they got, the more difficult it was to mask their selfish emotions. That would come out because as they weakened, they couldn’t hold up all the masks that they used to have. Gradually, the old selfishness came out. A basic description of most adults in America would be that they’re individuals who have these priorities: the satisfaction of their own personal needs and desires, the maintenance of their own good feelings about themselves, and the preservation of their own personal rights. And that’s what most adults are all about. They want to have their own satisfaction of their personal needs and desires, maintain good feelings about themselves, and preserve their rights.

So, what does that lead to? I promised you this, turn to 2 Timothy chapter 3. I want to show you a prophetic passage here, and this is an incredible passage that Paul gives us. It’s a prophecy of what the world will be like in the last days. So, you’re in Philippians, go to Colossians, and 1 and 2 Thessalonians, and 1 Timothy, and there it is, 2 Timothy, go to the third chapter. This is the prophecy of Paul from the Spirit of God of what the last days are going to look like. Our present-day, pleasure-seeking, self-serving culture closely and ominously mirrors Paul’s warnings of the last days. Okay?

2 Timothy 3:1-7. Here we go. Let’s read this together. Now, we’re going to go into how to battle this in our lives. 2 Timothy 3:1-7. You follow along in your Bibles as I read. But know this, then in the last days, perilous times will come. Do you know what that word perilous means? Times of terror. Hey, we’re there. Terrorism. It says it both here and in Matthew 24 that the last days are going to be characterized by raw emotional terror, and perilous times are going to come. If you read the news, if you watch the footage and the video clips of the two events last week where people, innocent people, were dragged from their cars and the windows were broken out and crowds, one numbering 2,000 or 3000 broke open the car, dragged the person out, and while the television camera was hovering overhead, killed the person. Amazing. Perilous times will come.

What are going to cause perilous times? Verse 2. For men will be philautoi. Now, see, here’s this structure. I told you, the same construction that Paul uses to describe how grace-energized people are to be. They are to be lovers of their husbands and lovers of their children. But the non-energized by grace people are lovers of themselves, lovers of money, lovers of boasting about themself, proud, blasphemers. There’s that one again in that bad company, disobedient to parents. God has a hangup on that. He keeps repeating it. He says that your behavior, how you respond to your parents, has a lifelong effect on your life. It’s the only one of the 10 commandments that has a promise attached to it. Did you know that? If you do not disobey your parents and if you do honor them, God will give you a life filled with many, many rich blessings. But if you don’t honor your parents and you don’t obey them, then you are going to miss out on those blessings, and that’s the consequence engine. So, how you act while you are under your parents’ authority will track with you the rest of your life. You can’t escape the results of that. He says, watch out about that disobedience to parents.

Unthankful, unholy, verse 3, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness, but denying its power. In other words, they are not energized by grace. They might go to church, they might act religious, they might talk to talk. They don’t walk his walk. They deny the power. They are not energized by God’s grace and from such people turn away, verse 6, for of this sort are those who creep into households, make captive of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, always learning, never able to come to the knowledge, to the intimate experiential knowledge of the truth. They don’t experience the truth. That’s what Paul said, the end of days is going to look like. If you watch the news, it looks like that now.

Let’s bow for a word of prayer. Father, I pray that as we look at the reality of what You want all of us to be doing in this world, energized by grace, specifically and pointedly in verse 4 of Titus 2. You told us that wives and mothers are to be energized by grace, but actually the whole chapter says all of us are to be. It takes grace-energized boys and girls to respond, to obey, and to honor parents. It takes grace-energized men to be the husbands who will lead these homes. It takes grace-energized husbands who will encourage and nurture and wash their wives with the water of the Word. So, all of us stand before You so in need of turning away from all this ungodliness that we see around us, this self-love, money love, pleasure love, and this disobedience and disrespect and to turn to You and to ask that Your grace would teach us to deny all these things and to be energized by your Spirit, to live before a watching world as a little Christ. Help us to know how to do that. Help us to yield to that. Help us to take steps that way today. In the name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.

Let me just recap the hedonistic culture, that’s the pleasure-driven culture, of Crete and the equally pleasure-seeking and narcissistic culture of today. It is so similar, and what’s amazing is that God gives the same message 2,000 years ago today. It’s the supra-cultural message, what we call that in Bible study. The message of the Gospel is supra-cultural. It transcends cultures. It works in Crete, it works in the Congo, it works with the Aborigines, and it works in Tulsa and the outlying communities. It’s supra-cultural, it’s changeless. We are to be self-denying, others ahead of ourselves, choosing believers. Did you catch that? Self-denying, others ahead of ourselves choosing. We choose that as believers. That’s how we live out our lives. That is what defeats selfishness. That self-sacrificing lifestyle has never been easy. It’s always been strange to the culture, and it’s constantly glorifying to God.

God made happiness, peace, and joy to grow only along the narrow pathway of grace-energized self-denial. Now, specifically the self-denial that a wife gives to love her husband as her emotional best friend and as a close companion through life, and the same love a mother gives her children, not only to serve them, but also to befriend them and to know them, and to be with them through life. Those two things are part of the pathway of a grace-energized self-denial. When wives and mothers heed this call for a grace-energized love for their husbands and children, they begin down that narrow pathway of self-denial. Grace-energized love for husbands and children leads to the deepest happiness, joy, and fulfillment. That’s what God said. He says, like the hymn writer, you can only be blessed and have peace and sweet rest as you give Him your body and soul, as you yield and obey and let His grace flow through us.

How is this grace-energized emotional love for your husband and children cultivated? Paul explains that. Now, back to Romans. Remember, Romans had the bad chapter 1. Well, look at chapter 12. Romans 12, and I’m just going to point out verse 10, but you could read all the way through this section. How does this grace-energized love occur? It’s a choice. Remember that context is, it’s trained, it’s learned. It’s not instant. You don’t just walk in, and because you sit here, it happens. It isn’t just because you’ve heard 30 years of sermons. It isn’t just because you listen to Christian radio or read Christian books. It is something that you learn. The grace of God gives us the power, but the godly older men and women in faith give the example.

That’s what’s so vital about this, but here’s how Paul explains it in Romans 12:10, be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love. That’s that philadelphia love, that brotherly love. It’s the same concept of this philo love. But what is it like? In honor, giving preference to one another. It is that love that says I will prefer you. I will make, as we saw last time, you a higher priority in my life. I will work you into my lifestyle. I will make time for you.

I was reading this week from one author, and he said, can you imagine Sarah, as in Abraham and Sarah in the Old Testament, the father of the faithful and his wife. Can you imagine Abraham coming, trudging home, a hundred and whatever year old Abraham trudging home? And that there was a note on the tent at the end of Abraham’s day that said, mutton in pot. Change Isaac. See you later. I am at Bible study. They said, could you imagine that going on? That after him not seeing her since 5:00 AM that she would say, have a good night’s sleep. Hope to see you tomorrow. But yet our world is so full of so many activities that that is normal. There has to be an inconvenience to our schedule to convenience the one that we want to give, look at verse 10, giving preference to one another. Love is encouraged when selfishness is mortified. Selfishness will hinder, thwart, and stifle this grace-energized love that God wants from wives and mothers. So, that’s selfishness. Selfishness is just the most common.

Far more deadly than selfishness, far more destructive to the grace-energized life is bitterness. Bitterness is the deadly cancer that grows rapidly. Often it’s triggered by selfishness. Often, selfish desires get hurt. Often, selfish motives get wounded, and so these two are quite close companions, and that’s why we talk about them together. But bitterness grows rapidly and produces a deadly poison that will paralyze a believer’s love and rob their joy and end their peace. Bitterness zaps spiritual strength, bitterness removes God’s blessing from a life. So, at all costs, avoid bitterness.

But what are some signs? How can you spot signs of bitterness? Let me just give you a few warning signs of bitterness, because selfishness, it’s like we all know that. You can spot that in someone, you can see that. You can see it in the nursery, you can see it in the attitude that kids have when they pull away. And you can see that in the self-absorption I talked about. How do you spot a warning sign of bitterness? As I list off some of the most common signs of bitterness, ask yourself, as a grace-energized wife or mother, and everyone else listening, are you showing any of these signs of bitterness? Has your territory or your rights been wounded and hurt, and trampled? Enough that you’re starting to show the signs that you internally, there’s a little smoldering going on. There’s a little poisoning going on, a little unforgiveness going on.

It’s really not that complicated to recognize that bitterness has set in a person’s life. Here are just some; this is just a simple list, some of the characteristics of a bitter person. Number one, they show a lack of concern for others. A bitter person cares very little about anybody else, because remember, bitterness locks us in the past, our past. We’re consumed with our past, our hurts, our problems, our troubles, our struggles, our wounds that have been inflicted on us for however long that they’ve been inflicted.

Secondly, they’re very sensitive and touchy. For instance, if a bitter person walks into a room where two people are talking and those people are quiet as they walk in, the bitter person thinks they were talking about me. They’re very touchy, very sensitive, because remember, bitterness is the ultimate self-absorption. All of the energies and the focus and the mind and the attention are focused inward, and so they’re very touchy and sensitive.

Thirdly, they tend to avoid meeting new people. They show little or no gratitude, and usually, they speak words that are either empty or harshly critical. They hold grudges against people. That’s a big sign. They often, for a long time, hold them, and they find it very difficult to forgive anybody because they have these big wounds inside that they’re nursing. They often have a very stubborn or sulky attitude. They end up experiencing mood extremes. Bitter people usually are very high and happy one minute, and then the next thing you know, they’re so low they can’t reach up and touch bottom. They just, they’re very pendular.

They also have partaken of what we could call the seed of Hell, because one of the worst things about bitterness is that it doesn’t stop. Bitterness just keeps getting worse. It may only start as a little seed of hurt, but it grows and festers into a very dangerous thing.

Those are signs. Bitterness is one of the most deadly cancers of all in the spiritual life of the believer. If you’re infected by bitterness, get out of your self-imposed prison. Remember Matthew 18. It says, when you’re unforgiving and bitterness sets in, you have walled yourself into this prison. Get out of your self-imposed prison. Don’t stay a moment longer. Paul says, the Spirit of God and the power of Christ’s cross, that takes us back to Titus chapter 2, and that’s where we’re going to end Titus 2.

Go back there with me. I want to always remind you of this, that the way we get out of any struggle with our flesh or the sin or the world or whatever else, the way we don’t stay in a moment longer is that Paul said the Spirit of God in the power of Christ’s cross can set us free. Verse 11 of Titus 2. This whole chapter is predicated on the 11th verse. For the grace of God that brings salvation, the same grace that saves us. Okay? That’s verse 11. The grace that saves us, verse 12, teaches us. The grace that saves us doesn’t stop there. As you receive the Lord Jesus Christ, so continue. That same grace teaches us, what does it teach us to do? Verse 12, deny ungodliness and worldly lusts. At the forefront, selfishness, bitterness, and the grace of God teach us how to deny, how to say no.

So Paul says, the Spirit of God, the power of Christ’s cross, can set us free. The escape route has been marked for us by the One who should have had all the reasons in the world to be bitter and was not. Jesus. He should have been bitter. He was wounded more than anybody. He was more hurt than anyone’s ever been hurt, but He never responded in an unforgiving way. What was He saying from the cross repeatedly? Father, forgive them. Father, forgive them. Father, forgive them. Father, forgive them. The construction of that word from the cross. Father, forgive them for they know not what they do is a repeated statement. It wasn’t a singular action, it wasn’t a one-time action in the past. Jesus was repeatedly saying Father, forgive them. Father, forgive them. Father, forgive them. Father, forgive them. That’s why He was not bitter. That’s why He is such a perfect example. The One who should have been most bitter.

How do we get and stay out of the bitterness trap? I want to just think through this with you real quickly before we go. Have you ever noticed that line of the Lord’s Prayer? Often, we’ve said it many times, and we skip over it. Forgive us, God, for the way we have forgiven others. Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. That’s right there in the center of that constantly repeated prayer. God wants us to forgive others and not cultivate bitterness. Forgiving others isn’t denying that they hurt us or ignoring it. Denial is mindless foolishness. God wants us to face real problems with real solutions from His words. It’s not living in denial. It’s not saying I have never been hurt. No one hurts me. That’s denial. You just can’t go through life. That is foolishness. Getting out of the bitterness trap starts by honestly confronting hurts in our life, as those energized by grace, and doing something about each hurt-induced wound.

Now, what are some ways to do that? Let me just suggest some, because often some people get in so deep. It’s like I told you, it’s been raining a lot. Do you remember when it snowed a lot? That was back months ago, but it kept snowing, and it was fun, and our plows couldn’t keep up with it for a while. It was just a fun time. But did you know I was over at Yale and 61st, and I told you the story about the lady who couldn’t get up this little tiny hill because she had turned her tire so that her tire was actually perpendicular to the direction of her car. She was snowplowing with her tires. It wasn’t good for any of her system. So, I just tapped on her window, and she thought I was a problem, so she just put it down this far. I said, put down a little bit more. I said, if you turn your wheel, she said, what do you mean? I said, here. I reached through the window, and I just turned her steering wheel because she was totally covered with snow. She had this little peephole, and she was trying to plow up the hill with her tires turned. But she didn’t understand that. She was just, you could smell it. Actually, I wanted her parking space that she was blocking.

So, I got out in the snow, and she was just ooh, like that. So, I tapped on the window and she put it down. She put it down a little further, and I said, I won’t do anything. I said, I was watching her wheel, and I turned it and I turned it, and finally it was going this way. I said, don’t do anything until I tell you. I put one hand like this on the back of her car. I said, okay. I pushed it. She thought for sure I was Spider-Man or Batman, or Superman. She just went right up that hill. She thought I just pushed her off. Actually, it was just getting her tire straight.

Did you know that sometimes people get so far into the pits of bitterness that they don’t know how to get out? So as we come alongside and as you as a grace energized older woman in the faith come alongside of a mother who has been so hurt, so wounded by her children, or a wife who has been so hurt and so wounded and so beaten down by her husband, that she’s just paralyzed and seething and she’s poisoned, and everything that’s coming out of her is wrong, where do you start with her? Always where the Bible starts us. It says in 1 John 1:9, what does it say? If we confess our sins, confession, homologeo, two words merged together into one word. Confession means to say exactly the same thing about oneself.

So number one, to get out of the pit of bitterness, we need to make a list of people who’ve hurt us. This is always the easiest for us because that’s what we remember the best, their offenses, what they committed against us. If you want to get out of any bitter situation, jot down the names and things that have been done to hurt you. Some typical hurts: my parents didn’t keep their promises, or they gave more love to other members of my family, or my dad took out as bad temper on me, or my wife tries to make me into something I’m not, or my friend wasn’t there when I needed them. Whatever has hurt you, you just write it down.

Number two, this is where it gets hard. Make a second list of where you have hurt others. This is so hard. Whoa. This is the hard one. Pride effectively edits our memories of the wrongs we do, shifting the blame, hiding our guilt, and so on. So our flesh likes our faults to stay hidden from others, so we have to pray and ask God to shine the light of His Spirit upon our hearts. Psalm 139, the last two verses say this, search me, oh God, and know my heart today. See if there’s any wicked thing. So, we come and we say, God, I want to see how I have hurt others. I’m very clear on who’s hurt me. I want to remember how I have hurt others.

One of the hardest things to do is to really clear the debts between parents and children. Children could put down things like laziness or ungratefulness. When was the last time you thanked your parents? Just called them and thanked them for something? Deceitfulness, what have you done behind their backs to make them distrust you, et cetera? Making this list of those I’ve wronged is vital. Only when we agree with God about our sins and see it as He does can we be forgiven, 1 John 1:9. We have to say the same thing that God says about our sin. My pride maximizes others’ faults and minimizes mine. This exercise, all of a sudden, brings life into focus, especially if we invite the Lord in because He’ll turn the lights on. We’ll go, whoa, too bright. Don’t want to see all the ways I’ve done to hurt others.

Thirdly, one is to make a list of people who’ve hurt you, which is easiest. Number two, make another list of things you’ve done to hurt them, which is hard. Number three, take a good look at how you’ve hurt the Lord. Now, this is new ground for a lot of people. We’re at the most important place in our grace-energized journey out of bitterness. This is the most life-changing step. Get down on your face before God with your little lists of how others have hurt you and you’ve hurt others, and ask Him to reveal all the ways we have hurt Him. God’s Word says He is grieved when we sin, it says that. Ephesians 4:30, don’t grieve the Holy Spirit of God. This is what Spurgeon said: it’s an inexpressibly delightful thought that He who rules the heavens and the Earth, the Creator of all things, the infinite, the ever-blessed God, condescends to enter into such an infinite relationship with me, that His divine mind is affected by my actions. Now, Spurgeon took a lot of words to say, my sins grieve God. We don’t think of that often.

Each area of the Spirit convicts us about revealing where we have grieved God that we need to confess and forsake. We need to make no excuses to God. God said, Christ’s blood cleanses away our sins, not any excuses. We are transformed as we see that through God, through His knowledge of us, through His intimate knowledge of us, we have deeply hurt and grieved Him. Yet He loves and forgives us and never gets embittered toward us. See, that’s a lesson we need to learn. As we think through all the ways we’ve hurt Him, we realize He’s never gotten embittered and hurt against us, and smoldered against us. Good thing! The people closest to us hurt us the most. We always know that.

As a believer. Think about who knows every thought, hears every word, and feels every emotion that we have ever had. There’s only one answer to that: God does. So, we have the potential to hurt God so much, and we do. Yet He forgives because He loves us so, and because He forgives, He demands we forgive others. In the Bible, it says in Genesis 6:6 that the Lord was grieved that he had made men on the Earth. The phrase grieved in Hebrew means a heart filled with pain, literally, to have difficulty in breathing. That’s how God, I mean that pre-flood world of murderers and fornicators, God had trouble breathing because it hurt Him so much what they were doing. In the New Testament, we who are indwelt by His Spirit and cleansed by His blood, can you imagine what our sins do to grieve, to hurt, to cause Him pain?

Number four, after you talk about who hurt you and who you hurt, and how much we’ve hurt God, number four, pray and ask the forgiveness of God and then man. This is the simplest and hardest part of our task. You get along with your list of how you hurt God and others, and ask God to work in your heart. One by one, confess them to God. Then ask for Him and receive His forgiveness for everything you’ve listed and more, because He’ll remind you of more. Then you just need to tear up the list and get rid of it. Just doing that is a picture of how God wipes out, erases, washes clean, and forgets our sins.

Then we get in touch with those we’ve heard of. Either by letter or email or phone, or in person, which is best, ask their forgiveness. But it’s not done yet, there’s one last thing. We need to destroy our files. One of the bad parts, it’s like when the kids were really little, I used to let them help me weed the flower beds. You know what they love to do? They love to just tear off the tops, and they leave the massive roots. It’s just fun to just tear off those green leaves and throw them in the basket. But digging down and getting the root out is hard, and two, it’s more fun just to get the dandelion and throw it in the basket and leave that root so we’ll have four dandelions in a week, and that’s what we do in our lives.

We need to destroy our files. There’s one more vital step to take. There’s still a copy of that list, and it’s in our mind, and God says, I can even wipe out that file. Hebrews 9:14 says, how much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit, purges your conscience from works that lead to death? God can clean out the file cabinets of our mind, of our hurts, and of anything else that is plaguing us there. We need to open the file cabinets of our minds. We need to take out all the files and get rid of them. Not only do we tear up our list and throw it away or burn it, but we also release that list to God. Forgiveness is opening the file cabinet before God, clearing the debts, and saying, I’m not going to hold this against them anymore. I’m not even going to keep a record of it. Remember, love does not keep a record of wrongs that are committed against it? It’s so important. No record.

That’s what God does with us. Do we want Him to remember and recall all the debts He’s cleared us of? That’s why we have to do the same. The Bible says for, this is Matthew 6:14, if you forgive men their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Spirit will not forgive you. It’s a choice we have to make, not to stay in the pit of bitterness.

Number one, write down who’s hurt you. Number two, write down whom you’ve hurt. Number three, think about how much you’ve hurt God. Number four, before God confess and receive forgiveness for every one of them. In that process, forgive those who are your debtors. Number five, by His grace, let Him clean out the whole file cabinet. Then you have grace-energized love for those who have hurt you, and those whom we’re called to serve and love.

Let’s stand before the Lord and just ask for His blessing. Let’s just mark this moment right now with a special prayer. Father in Heaven, we stand before You now, as the writer of Hebrews says, naked and open before the eyes of Him we have to do. That’s You. We have the potential to hurt You the most because You see the most. You hear everything, You know everything. You know our words before we speak them. You know our thoughts afar off, our motives, our intentions, our actions, our past, our present, and our future. Lord, before You who know all things, if there is any root of bitterness, maybe we’ve pulled the leaves off, but the root is still there, it’s going to come back stronger and stronger. I pray that we would take these simple exercises, spiritual exercises, to get rid of all bitterness in our life, as Paul says in Ephesians 4:31, so that we can be grace-energized mothers and grace-energized wives, grace-energized husbands and fathers and brothers and sisters. It’s only possible by Your grace and the power of Your Spirit. And when we choose to rid ourselves of these things, I pray that You would just work in our hearts to make us right here, right now, choose that we’re going to do that. With your heads bowed and eyes closed, I want to just ask one question. I rarely ask this of you, but I want to ask you, how many of you say, I thought of some unforgiven person in my life that I’ve been holding onto, and I want to this week, by God’s grace, rid myself of that root that’s going to cause bitterness. If that’s you, just hold your hand up really high. I want to see it because I want to pray for all of you tonight. You say there’s someone I need to forgive. Hold them up real high. Wow. You can put them down. Father in Heaven, You searched every heart, and Your grace that brought us salvation can teach us how to deny even the ungodliness of selfishness and the worst ungodliness of bitterness. And I pray that You would start in this simple way, helping us to get rid of this potential of being in the pit of bitterness. In the name of Jesus, and for Your glory we pray, and all God’s people said, Amen.

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